The Servant Leader's Dilemma: Learning to Let Go So Others Can Grow
My journey from carrying the work of others to empowering them to carry their own.
Throughout my leadership journey, I have considered myself a servant leader.
I believed, and still believe, that leadership is not about titles, authority, or being above the people you lead. It's about serving those who entrusted you with leadership, and those entrusted to you for your leadership. It is about removing obstacles to their success, and working alongside them to accomplish a common goal.
I have never subscribed to the philosophy that certain work is beneath me simply because I occupy a leadership position. If something needed to be done, I was willing to do it, or find a way to get it done. If someone needed help, I was willing to provide it. If the organization needed something accomplished, I was willing to roll up my sleeves and make sure it happened. This work ethic was ingrained in me from a young age.
For a long time, I considered that one of my greatest strengths as a leader.
But over time - and very recently - it has become evident that my approach and execution is terribly flawed.
In my desire to serve my employees and achieve our common goals, I was sometimes relieving people of the very responsibilities they had been entrusted to fulfill. I was helping them, certainly. But I was not leading them. I was replacing them in the absence of their own action.
This is where the fundamental question of how I undestood and need to execute servant leadership.
When Good Intentions Create Unintended Consequences
As leaders, we are ultimately concerned with outcomes. We have organizational objectives, deadlines, responsibilities, and expectations. Whether we are leading a department, an institution, or an entire organization, there are things that simply must get done. In the end, the question is not usually who did that or how was that done -- it is is it done or why isn't it done.
And when something isn't getting done, the instinct of a dedicated leader is often to intervene. The end result must be accomplished. It is a question of reputation and ultimately success versus failure. I know that instinct well.
An assignment isn't completed. A project falls behind. An employee struggles with a responsibility. Rather than allowing the situation to jeopardize the common goal, I step in. Sometimes I provide guidance. Sometimes I offer assistance. And sometimes, I simply do the work myself. Why? Because the project needs to be completed and the deadline goals need to be met.
On the surface, everything appears successful. But there is a question I wasn't always asking: What did my intervention accomplish beyond finishing the task?
Did the employee become more capable?
Did they learn to navigate the challenge?
Did they develop greater ownership of their responsibilities?
Or did they simply learn that, when things became difficult or deadlines approached, I would eventually step in and make sure everything was taken care of?
The differences in these questions and answers matter a great deal to long-term success and the longevity of the employee, the department, the institution -- and what has recently become evident as I age -- me -- matters.
While I might have been accomplishing the organization's immediate goals, I wasn't necessarily building a team capable of accomplishing those goals without me. I am one person, and I am not always around.
That realization has given me a difficult and uncomfortable truth: as capable as I am of being a leader and servant, I am not always thinking to the end goals.
The Difference Between Serving and Substituting
I sat in my backyard one night and gave this a great deal of thought and came up with a few thoughts on this approach. The statements have helped me think about this challenge are these:
The first is: "I am your leader, therefore certain tasks are beneath me."
I reject that philosophy wholly and completely.
The second is:
"I am your leader, therefore no honest act of service is beneath my dignity."
That is the philosophy I have tried to embrace throughout my leadership career.
But as I sat in my backyard, it occurred to me that something was missing. I thought that there must be more there must be middle ground. That lef me to this third statement:
"I am your leader, therefore I have a responsibility to help you fulfill your responsibilities, not continually fulfill them for you."
That third statement represents an important evolution in how I approach leadership.
It doesn't diminish my willingness to help.
It doesn't mean I stop caring about the challenges my employees face.
And it certainly doesn't mean I become the kind of leader who points to a job description and says, "That's not my responsibility." Instead, it means recognizing that my willingness to serve must be balanced with my responsibility to develop others. There is an important difference between helping someone accomplish their work and becoming the person who routinely accomplishes it for them.
Servant leadership should build capability, not dependency.
What Jesus Taught Me About Leadership
My understanding of servant leadership is deeply connected to my Christian faith. In fact, one of my favorite books is "Lead Like Jesus" by Ken Blanchard and Rick Warren.
In John 13, Jesus washes the feet of His disciples. Think about this for a long minute. This is such an extraordinary demonstration of humility - for a leader, or anyone. In this scenario, Jesus, their teacher and Lord, voluntarily performs a task normally reserved for a servant in that culture.
The message is powerful: no act of genuine service is beneath us.
But as I've reflected more deeply on the leadership demonstrated by Jesus, I've realized that washing the disciples' feet is only one part of His example.
Jesus also led through teaching His disciples. He took the time and patience to:
Prepare them.
Entrust them with responsibilities.
Sending them into the world to carry out the work of His ministry.
Correct them when necessary and continue to develop them as people and leaders in their own right.
Jesus didn't merely serve His disciples by doing things for them. He also prepared them to serve others. This idea has become increasingly meaningful to me.
In Mark 10:43–45, Jesus teaches that greatness is found in service rather than domination. But service does not require a leader to assume every responsibility.
And perhaps one of the clearest biblical examples of this distinction comes not from the disciples, but from Moses.
In https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%2018&version=NIV Moses is spending his days personally resolving disputes among the Israelites.
He is working tirelessly to serve his people. Yet his father-in-law, Jethro, recognizes that Moses' approach is unsustainable. Jethro tells him that what he is doing is not good.
Think about that for a long minute... Moses is dedicating himself to serving others, and the counsel he receives is that he needs to stop doing so much himself. Why would Jethro advise him that way?
Because the people needed a functioning structure of leadership, not a single individual who personally resolved every problem. Moses needed to develop and delegate responsibility to others. And to make that a reality, his people needed him to lead differently.
I have come to believe that many modern leaders, myself included, can learn a great deal from that conversation. Being willing and able to do things does not mean we should be doing all of the things. Sometimes the most important act of leadership is creating the conditions in which others can successfully do the work themselves.
Moving From Rescuing to Scaffolding
This realization has led me toward a different approach to developing employees. I have spent a great deal of my career in education. I have been an IT person, IT leader, a department chair, and a teacher. Something we talk about when it comes to teaching students is the concept called scaffolding.
Scaffolding involves providing someone with the structure, guidance, and support necessary to accomplish something they may not yet be capable of doing independently. Sometimes this means that the initial support is significant. The teacher demonstrates, explains, guides, and assists. But as the learner develops competence and confidence, that support is gradually reduced.
Eventually, the learner can perform the task independently.
This is the proper model for servant leadership in the workplace, just as it is in the classroom for students. Instead of asking, "How can I get this done for my employee?" I am learning to ask: "How can I help my employee become capable of getting this done?"
That requires a different kind of investment. It often takes more time to teach someone how to complete a task than it does to simply complete the task yourself.
It requires patience.
It requires communication.
It requires allowing employees to work through challenges rather than immediately providing solutions.
And perhaps most importantly, it requires accepting that people may not initially do things exactly as I would. This is super important. Let that go!
That can be particularly challenging for leaders who have spent years developing expertise in their field. When you know how to solve a problem, it can be frustrating to watch someone struggle through the process. But I've begun to recognize that my ability to solve the problem matters less than my ability to develop someone else who can solve it.
That is how organizations become stronger. That is how employees grow. And that is how leadership (and the leaders themselves) becomes sustainable.
The Five Stages of Scaffolding Responsibility
As my thinking has evolved, I've begun to see this leadership approach as a progression through five stages. In consultation with some great thought leaders in this area, here is where I have landed.
1. Establish Ownership
Before employees can accept responsibility, they need to understand what they own. This means communicating clear expectations, desired outcomes, appropriate deadlines, and the authority they have to make decisions. It also means distinguishing between responsibility and accountability.
An employee may be responsible for completing a particular assignment, while I remain accountable for the overall performance of the department. My accountability does not automatically mean I should perform their assigned work.
Rather, it means I am accountable for creating an environment in which the work can be completed successfully.
2. Provide the Necessary Support
Once ownership is established, my responsibility becomes ensuring employees have what they need to succeed.
Do they have the necessary training?
Do they understand the expectations?
Do they have the appropriate tools and resources?
Is their workload reasonable?
Are there obstacles I can remove?
This is where servant leadership becomes especially important. Rather than taking away the responsibility, I work to remove the barriers preventing the employee from fulfilling it.
3. Work Alongside, Not Instead Of
There will absolutely be times when an employee needs hands-on assistance.
I still believe strongly that a leader should be willing to participate directly in the work. But my approach to that participation is changing.
Instead of simply taking over, I want to work alongside the employee. I want to explain the process, help demonstrate the approach and collaborate on the solution. I need to help them understand not only what needs to be done, but why. The goal is no longer merely completing the task, but it is completing the assignment while building the employee's ability to accomplish similar work independently in the future.
4. Gradually Transfer Independence
As employees develop competence, leaders must become comfortable stepping back. This is remarkably difficult to do sometimes. For some of us, being actively involved feels like being supportive, being helpful, and ensuring success. Stepping back can feel like abandoning someone. But independence is not abandonment. Employees need opportunities to make decisions, exercise judgment, and take ownership of outcomes.
The leadership role becomes less about directing every action and more about establishing checkpoints, offering feedback, and remaining available when genuinely needed.
The support doesn't disappear. It evolves.
5. Reinforce Accountability and Growth
Finally, scaffolding requires accountability. The objective is not simply for employees to feel supported. It is for them to successfully fulfill their responsibilities. When expectations are not met, we need to understand why.
Sometimes the problem is inadequate training or unreasonable workload.
Sometimes the leader has failed to communicate clearly.
Sometimes circumstances genuinely interfere with performance.
And sometimes an employee simply has not fulfilled a reasonable responsibility.
Those situations require different responses and the time to evaluate them properly. But avoiding accountability by quietly completing someone's work is not a sustainable solution to any of them.
Compassion and accountability are not opposites.
I can care about an employee while expecting them to fulfill their responsibilities. I can provide support while maintaining performance standards. And I can demonstrate grace while still addressing problems that need to be corrected. In fact, a reality that I have known for some time is that holding people accountable, fairly and compassionately, is itself an important act of service.
When Helping Means Learning to Let Go
One of the more difficult lessons in my leadership journey has been recognizing that our greatest strengths can sometimes become our weaknesses. A strong work ethic can become an inability to delegate, a commitment to quality can become an unwillingness to trust others, and a desire to serve can become a habit of assuming responsibilities that aren't ours to carry. While these behaviors often come from good intentions, they can unintentionally limit employee growth, create dependency, and prevent others from developing the confidence and skills needed to succeed.
I've also had to examine my own understanding of humility. Sometimes stepping in feels like the selfless thing to do, but I have to ask myself whether I'm truly serving someone or simply choosing the easier path of doing the work myself. Genuine humility means recognizing that no honest work is beneath me, but also acknowledging that I am not the only person capable of doing it. My responsibility is not to become indispensable, but to help others become capable, confident, and accountable.
Galatians 6 provides a meaningful perspective on this balance. Paul calls us to bear one another's burdens (verse 2), while also reminding us that each person must carry their own load (verse 5). I've come to understand that servant leadership requires both grace and accountability. It means supporting employees through challenges without permanently relieving them of responsibility. Sometimes that requires resisting the temptation to take over, investing more time in coaching, and allowing room for mistakes and growth. The truest expression of service may not be doing the work for someone, but having the patience, humility, and faith to help them succeed in doing it themselves.
The Leader I Am Striving to Become
I am still and will always strive to be a servant leader. Nothing in that area of belief has changed. What has changed is my understanding of what serving actually requires in a real, tangible way. Too often in my career, I often demonstrated service by assuming responsibility for whatever needed to be accomplished. If someone else couldn't get something done, I would find a way to get it done. I believed that was part of my responsibility as a leader. Reality says that sometimes it is... and sometimes it is not.
Instead, now I recognize that the greatest contribution I can make isn't necessarily completing the work myself. It is developing people who can successfully complete the work, take ownership of their responsibilities, and contribute meaningfully to our shared objectives. This is fundamentally a different kind of leadership.
One that requires patience instead of immediate intervention.Coaching instead of rescuing.
Empowerment instead of dependency.
Accountability instead of avoidance.
And trust instead of control.
Most importantly, it requires the humility to recognize that achieving the goal through the growth and development of others is often a greater accomplishment than achieving it through my own individual effort.
I am still learning how to approach this, how to execute on it, and how to take a breath before I decide just go do it yourself. In fact, I suspect it will remain a lifelong journey. But I believe it is bringing me closer to the kind of servant leadership Jesus demonstrated. Ultimately, it is a leadership grounded in humility, compassion, responsibility, and the development of others. It is a leadership that recognizes the difference between serving someone and substituting for them. And a leadership that understands that accomplishing the mission matters, but so does developing the people entrusted with accomplishing it.
The Lesson I Keep Coming Back To
Years ago, I began my leadership journey believing that being a servant leader held value because it meant being willing to do whatever was necessary to achieve our common goals. And my current mindset tells me that I still believe that to be true. However, I understand the statement differently today than I did 2 years, 10 years, and 20 years ago.
Sometimes doing whatever is necessary means rolling up my sleeves and working alongside my employees.
Sometimes it means removing obstacles, providing resources, or investing time in teaching.
Sometimes it means having a difficult conversation about expectations and accountability.
And sometimes it means resisting the temptation to take over, allowing someone else the opportunity to accept responsibility and demonstrate what they are capable of accomplishing.
I have come to believe that the highest expression of servant leadership is not how much work I am willing to do for others, but how much I am willing to invest in helping others succeed.
Jesus washed His disciples' feet.
But He also prepared them to walk on their own.
And perhaps that is the lesson I needed to learn. A servant leader should never believe that any honest work is beneath them. But a servant leader must also recognize that doing someone else's work is not always the same as serving them. The goal is not to become the person who can do everyone's job. The goal is to become the leader who helps everyone become capable of doing their own.
And when we accomplish that, we don't simply achieve the common goal.
We build something far more valuable along the way. We build people.
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